them and their egos (skulduggery pleasant oneshots)
by Athena Storm
Summary: one shots i make when i'm bored rated t because dumbledore is illiterate not that that fact has anything to do with anyhting but that's my reason. all sorts of pairings valdugery ghanith duskyrie ghaskyrie valguine... maybe. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

Them and their egos

Right this is a bunch of instant messenger conversations I've had with the gang good luck comprehending them!

**Thevampirehunter:**

Hey Val ,Tanith .

**Thekillerofannoyingtexanpsycopath:**

Hey scarlet how's it going

**Cainraisingdetective:**

Hey

**Thevampirehunter:**

Same as usual I beat up some necros yesterday

**Loopyelemental joined the conversation**

**Hostileowlgirl joined the conversation**

**Caramelldansenisawesome joined the conversation**

**Loopyelemental:**

Hey guys!

**Hostileowlgirl:**

Jeez dude what's with the exclamation marks?

**Caramelldansenisawesome:**

Exclamation marks are cool!

**Youstillowemeatriptoalaska joined the conversation**

**Ijustknowthings joined the conversation**

**Beinganelementaliscool joined the conversation**

**Thegreatandawesomeskeletondetective joined the conversation**

**Redhandednecromancer joined the conversation**

**I'vewornlordvile'sarmour joined the conversation**

**I'mpartfacelessone joined the conversation**

**Brillianttailor joined the conversation**

**Beinggrandmageisboring joined the conversation**

**Prettychinadoll joined the conversation**

**Iwasdeathbringer joined the conversation**

**Lasereyes joined the conversation**

**Thevampirehunter:**

All boys/men bug off this is girl talk time you idiots

**Thegreatandawesomeskeletondetective:**

Oh that's charming that is

**Thekillerofannoyingtexanpsycopath:**

All right boys we'll give you 5 minutes of idle chitchat then you're outta here

**Thelegendofthelastteleporter joined the conversation **

**Thelegendofthelastteleporter:**

Hey guys wassup

**Cainraisingdetective:**

Aw jeez who added fletcher?

**Thevampirehunter:**

Yeah and who is … oh dear who added Serpine and Vengeous and since when the hell did the grotesquery have an instant messenger account

**Beingthegrandmageisboring:**

What the hell… shit!

**redhandednecromancer:**

Hello my friends nice to see you all again

**beinganelementalissocool:**

Weren't these guys dead?

**I'vewornvile'sarmour:**

Yeah but look guys we need a favour

**brillianttailor:**

Why the bloody shit would we do you a favour?

**I'mpartfacelessone:**

There's a weird girl with blue hair that put us on here! Help!

**Youstillowemeatriptoalaska:**

Clarabelle… (warningly) *glares*

**Caramelldansenisawesome:**

*Confused* what?

**Ijustknowthings:**

Right I'm very confused right now

**Lasereyes**

Same here people

**Cainraisingdetective:**

Oh look 5 minutes is up off you go boys !off to bed!


	2. Chapter 2

**ok readers here's chapter 3 but i am kind of mad/sad with you guys coz 79 people read but only two reviewed i don't care about constructive criticism but please don't be a grammar nazi please R&R **

**Pranking skul and ghastly is what tanith and wynter do best so I thought I'd put some here. these are the funniest, cruellest and strangest pranks I've seen or heard about so dan da da daaaaa **

**Prank number 1: hot chocolate and talcum powder?**

"What are you doing?" I asked tanith.

"Collecting my ingredients", she replied I could hear the devilish tone in her voice

"Who are you pranking?"

"Skul. Wanna help?"

"Nah but I would like to see him when you're done" I grinned with wynter

"Same here dude, what are your ingredients?" said wynter

"hot chocolate aaaaand … talcum powder"

"oooookaaaay I'm not going to ask what you're doing with them because I'm pretty sure it won't make much sense" I said.

20 minutes later

Wynter rolled around on the floor collapsed in silent giggle as I stuffed my fist in my mouth; Skul's skull was completely brown from his chin to his scalp. "I n-now understand th-the t-talcum powder and hot ch-chocolate" I managed to splutter before I lapsed back into giggles.

**prank number 2: Valkyries dead!**

"trust me on this one, okay?" wynter whispered to Val

"fine I still think it's cruel though" she replied

"of course it is we're evil" I reminded her

"OK let's do this!" she pumped her fist in the air and we brought the dummy out it was a perfect replica except it deathly pale and covered in fake blood "skulduggery quick valkyrie's dead!" I yelled as Val crouched behind the chest of drawers skulduggery literally blew the door off it's hinges "Val, Val wake up, please wake up" he whispered barely even making a sound Valkyrie crept up behind him… "BOO!" she yelled

"you got OWNED BY A SEVENTEEN YEAR-OLD!" yelled wynter I just laughed my head off with tanith when skulduggery jumped (metaphorically) out of his skin.

**Prank number 3: make-up**

"blue, red, yellow or green?" tanith asked

"um yellow for ghastly green for skul" Val decided

"and orange lipstick" I added

"how about blue blusher?" asked wynter we all nodded

"ok applying make-up in 3,2,1, go!" we started our work


	3. Chapter 3

**valduggery vs. fletcherie + wiis**

"valduggery"

"fletcherie"

"valduggery"

"fletcherie"

"HATE YOU!" I roared at the wii. Eloquent and wynter stopped arguing

"umm hate who scars?" tanith asked

"oh Ashley come on your AI is garbage shut up you cow!"

tanith clicked china didn't "who's Ashley?" I pointed to my game

"here you play as Ashley" tanith said picking up the other controller

"her AI's still garbage though" I pointed out

"you can overcome that"

"course"

"what are you two talking about" asked china midnight began to explain resident evil 4 and how annoying leon's partners were whilst wynter and eloquent continued with their argument

**A/N ok listen if you ship valduggery then go to my profile and favourite stories then go to the smiling detective and chapter 105 to pledge yourself to the valduggery cause your signatures count people so sign the freaking petition! If you ship fletcherie don't thank you for reading please review or I won't post the next chapter ok? Thanx remember **

**Apples and hello kitty are evil**

**~scarlet arrow**


	4. Chapter 4

**quiz fic**

**A/N 3 guesses as to what this is about!**

**1) Tanith low**

**2) Alexander remit**

**3) Fletcher renn**

**4) Vaurien scapegrace**

**5) Clarabelle**

**6) Melancholia st Claire**

**7) Thrasher**

**8) Ghastly bespoke**

**9) Valkyrie Cain**

**10) Nefarian serpine**

**11) the grotesquery**

**12) skulduggery pleasant**

**13) anton shudder**

**14) dexter vex**

**15) larrikin**

**16) Erskine ravel**

**17) lily allen**

**18) Patrick stump**

**19) Saracen rue**

**20) aurora jane**

**1.2 and 16 are in your room making out what is your reaction?**

W.T.F.H IS GOING ON AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM *turns into wolf and chases them out of the room*

**2. 13/7 or 13/17?**

. .um. ok! ok! Anton/lily at least she's the right gender I mean also she's alive much better pairing. Antily. Sounds like antelope. :P :P :P :P

** would you say if 14 asked you to dance at the requiem ball?**

"Sorry but I have to decline because I cannot dance to save my _life_"

**4. have you ever read a 1/11 fic? Do you want to?**

Tanith and the _grotesquery_?! ABSOLUTELY NOT! *shudders at mental images*

**5. do you think 16 is hot? How hot?**

Yeah… well I don't but everyone else does so I dunno.

**6. 12 is single and drunk on his/her way home he/she meets 9 who is of the same status. What happens?**

Skulduggery can get drunk?... ok say he can and meets a drunk Valkyrie I foresee much kissing and maybe some making out.

**7. how would you feel if 18 dissed you really bad?**

I would feel very annoyed.

**8. you are locked in a room with 1 and 4 what do you do?**

Right me, mel, val and anton would mummify trasher and scapegrace and then play truth or dare until someone got us out.

** would happen if 16 got 9 pregnant?**

If Erskine got Valkyrie pregnant? Their kids would be very cheeky show-off elementals and skulduggery would punch Erskine that is very clear. ROTFLOL excuse me while I die laughing phahahahahahahahahahahah

**10.12 and 9 get married 7 is jealous of 9 and 15 is heartbroken over 12, what happens at the wedding?**

Skulduggery marries Valkyrie (go valduggery!) thrasher is jealous of Valkyrie (w….t…..f….) and larrikin is heartbroken over skulduggery (isn't he dead?).

At the wedding scapegrace and thrasher gatecrash and try to kill everyone if larrikin turned up there would be a massive (food) fight and I would be stuck for sides skulduggery would be shooting people and Valkyrie would use her bridal train as a .

**a/n review, look the button is right below this so reeeeviiieeeeewww.**


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